The Straight Dope: PL blows the cover on kayak dopers

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San Francisco Giants slugger Barry Bonds got his from BALCO. Tour de France cyclist Floyd Landis allegedly took a dose of synthetic testosterone, and world-record sprinter Justin Gatlin blames his positive drug test on a steroid-laced rubdown. It makes us wonder: What are paddlers doping with these days?

If Australian Olympic flatwater kayaker Nathan Baggaley (who was banned from competition for two years after testing positive for the steroids stanozolol and methandienone) is any indication, it’s still steroids (the Athens double silver medalist claims to have ingested them by drinking from a friend’s water bottle). Nevertheless, Paddling Life’s crack investigative crew is on the case to find out what other performance-enhancing substances are being used by today’s top paddlers.

Dean “Slowride” Thomas: Texas kayak fishing guru
Drug of Choice: Honey Buns and Strawberry Milk
Benefits: “It’s got all the sugar and carbs I need to outrun powerboats to the best fishing spots”
Pitfalls: “One honey bun today leads to two honey buns tomorrow. Before you know it you’re in a twelve step program, and I never can make it past step six”

Oscar Chulupsky: 11-time Molokai Surfski world champion
Drug of Choice: Cytomax
Benefits: There is lots of this in kayaking. [Australian Olympian] Nathan Baggaley got caught with Stanazalol. A lot of people think I’m on drugs because I get beaten all year then win when it counts.

Eric Jackson: Olympian and 3-time world champion freestyle kayaker
Drug of Choice: Dr. Pepper
Benefits: That extra spark for extra big blunts
Pitfalls: Dehydration and keeping wife Christine up nights with caffeine-induced idea rambling

Justine Curgenven: Expedition sea kayaker and filmmaker
Drug of Choice: Red wine and adrenaline
Benefits: “The adrenaline from big breaking waves tends to enhance my performance”
Pitfalls: “Red wine usually has the opposite affect, though it’s very relaxing by a campfire at night”

Corran Addison: Olympian, boat designer, self-promotional savant
Drug of Choice: Red Bull and Viagra
Benefits: “It’s a great cocktail, keeps you going for hours and hours”
Pitfalls: “I can’t think of any.”

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