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Contest #9 Winners
“When I said “Let’s go down to the river and get tanked,” this is not what I had in mind.”
–Lmccormick83
“Bucket rafting”
–Roy Fullard
“Row-Row-Row your Cow Trough.”
–Rick Buckman
“In the old days, it took 12 beers to give me the spins. Now it just takes one.”
“Easy boating — everything’s always river right.”
“Troughin’ — The River Rat’s answer to tailgating.”
–Hoosierbrb
“Rub a dub dub, down the creek in our tub.”
–perf901
“Honey…where did you say you heard about this outfitter from?”
–stephaniemjohnson
Contest #8 Winners
“The motor season starts on April 1st and lasts through September 15th.”
— Scott Anderson
“I know the parking lot looks unsafe, but I still think we should leave the truck behind!”
–James Reeder
“The newest thing in boats — the auto eddy.”
–Hoosierbrb
‘Who needs oars when we have an Oarsmobile?”
–Chris Arnis
Contest #7 Winners
I don’t know if Satan can swim or not… and it doesn’t matter. No raft wants to hit those horns. Paddle on Satan, paddle on.
–Trey West
“Satan? No my name is Satin. You must be thinking of my cousin.”
–Michael Leukhardt
“Devil Falls, Baby!”
–David Hansel
“Flaming orange drysuit: preferred by Satans around the world!”
–James Wilkes
Spirits are high at the put-in on the River Styx.
–Andy McKenna
The next rapids? Devil’s Punchbowl and Satan’s Cesspool.
–Chris Arnis
Contest #6 Winners
Raft Splat 11-10
”Are you sure this is the float-up bar?”
–Laura McCormick
”Next time, let’s put the fat people in the front.”
–Aidan Healy
”I think the compass is broken…”
–richard cox
”This sounded like a good idea when the guide suggested it…shat happens next just plain sucks!”
–Matt Helm
“Is this the take-out?”
–Eric Hairer
Contest #5 Winners
Surf Cream Shot Caption Entries
Surfers are the ones who should invest in helmets.
–Emily George
“10 points for nailing one, 20 apiece for more than one!
–Linda Hamlin
New to the surfing environment, a pair of whitewater boaters mistake surfer for a splat rock.
— Granville Angell
“Give me back my Tevas or I’ll run you over!”
–Chris Arnis
Silly surfers…they didn’t even bring weapons!
–Matt Helm
“I told you there would be less traffic than on the Golden Gate Bridge…”
–Tom Bowen
Natural selection at its finest.
–E. Tranfield
Contest #4 Winners
1) “Anyone got a Kleenex? My runny nose has frozen on my beard.”
–Jeff Bush
2) “Hey…just in case I hit an iceberg.
–Jim Francoeur
3) “I don’t care, I’m peeing in my suit.”
–Matthew Geyer
4) “That’s what I get for betting on the Broncos!”
–Matt Helm
“I don’t think the hard stuff is going to come down for quite awhile. I’d play through.”
–Dan Whitmoree!
Contest #4 Winners
One raft guide, one shaft, one huge piece of rubber, two horny rafting chics…PRICELESS!
–Jeff Weatherford
But do you do dishes?
–Tom Crowther
The Doobie Brothers meet the Do-me Sisters…
–Mark Oderhoff
With the lack of quality guides, Acme Outfitters tries a new guide recruiting campaign….applicants have quadrupled!
–Dave Lawler
Those aren’t inflatable…
–John Mackey
Nice racks…er, rafts!
–Daniel Smith
Hi…I’m Nate Bird and I’ll be your guide today.
–Nate Bird
The top 3 following entrants have won a pair of Teva sandals or OutdoorPlay gift certificate! Wheee…the fun never stops at Paddling Life!
Contest #3 Winners
1) And they said striders would never catch on.
2) The mystery move in its highest form.
3) BREAKING NEWS: New kayak design takes over where Wonder Women’s invisible plane left off…
4) Karen Knight unemployed as freestyle canoeing is outsourced to Guangdong province.
5) Walk on water? Let’s see him do this?
6) Ha! If you think this is amazing you should see me hang glide!
Contest #2 Winners
1) I knew this $15 kayak was good for something. .
2) “Let’s see… cotton..polyester … damn..this iron doesn’t have a drytop setting!” .
–jamesbriansmith@gmail.com
3) Niagara starch…serving image-conscience paddlers since 1978.
–smpete83@yahoo.com
4) Mom said the only way I could go boating was to finish my chores…Fooled her! .
–staceyswimgood@yahoo.com
5) You don’t have time to go kayaking?!? You just need to multi-task. .
–aqualerouge@gmail.com
6) Don’t you know you can only steam clean drytops? .
–gforce_wonderboat@yahoo.com
7) If only I had an extension cord. .
–frisbeecrazed@yahoo.com
8) Ancient Chinese Secret, huh? .
–david.hamlet@erlanger.org
9) Hey, when you’re through would you mind welding this crack in my hull? .
–info@hogislandboatworks.com
Contest #1 Winners
1) Move over JC, EJ is here!
follykayakman
2) As the latest entry into athlete sponsorships, The Church of Latter Day Saints displays its new team logo.
tdills101
3) Yes I like the new sponsor—it’s just that the cross lowers our gas mileage.
(elvis2u)
4) We churn the water into wine!
(gonesurfing)
5) Jackson Kayaks feels right at home boating in the bible belt.
(swootten3)
6) And on the third day of the competition God said, “This is my beloved son EJ, he can never be beaten so the rest of you can just suck my heavenly lightning rod!!!”
(nfraser)
7) Smooth dad, now we can tune in fox but we can’t drive under any bridges….. (allen_satcher)
8) Look out Jackson Town! Johnny and June heard the pony keg was tapped!
(andria)
9) And on the 8th day, he created kayaking.
(wish1)
10) Watch out J.C. ’cause E.J.’s doing more than just WALKING on water!
(bsistare)
11) Having already monopolized the North American circuit, the Jackson team prepares to dominate the Vatican series.
(c.s.hawkins)
12) Says EJ: “The cross is so people don’t HATE me for winning all the time”
(stew27)
13) So that is how they do it.
(matt@)
14) We are on a mission mam’, a mission from God.
(beetlebailey23@yahoo.com)
