The scariest part was looking up afterward and seeing a bunch of boa constrictors..."
--Brazil's Pedro Olivia on The Today Show, after setting a new 127-foot waterfall record and emerging in a cave behind the falls.

"These paddlers began treating waves more like a trampoline than a slip-n-slide."
--Tyler Bradt, in an American Whitewater story on the evolution of kayaking, referring to the Young Gun era.

"They will be punished...the lawyers must be fed."
--KISS star Gene Simmons after discovering at this year's SIA ski show that ski company Faction used his tongue-hanging likeness as a graphic on one of its company's skis.

"I felt most at home camping [on islands] mid-river, part of neither the U.S. or Mexico, a citizen of the river rather than of a particular city."
--Keith Bowden, author of The Tecate Journals, of overnighting on his 1,885-mile descent of the entire Rio Grande along the Mexican/U.S. border.

It’s peers certifying peers -- no bullshit, no huge costs. Assessors would be as nervous as a poodle at a rottweiler party if they passed someone who didn’t belong.”
--Australia Rafting Federation President Graham Maifredi on the International Rafting Federation’s new plan to certify commercial river guides.

"He was one of the leading paddlers of his era, a man whose skills set the standard that others tried to emulate."
--Safety guru Charlie Walbridge on John Sweet, who was on the first party to run the Upper Gauley and just turned 70.

Dude, it was sick. I was surfing the wake of big rigs in Los Mochis and splatting mini-vans that were floating down the street!"
--The Oil and Water Project's Seth Warren, on surfing in the wake of Hurricane Ike.

That was my fourth one...I broke three other paddles while training."
--Olympic Cinderella story and Togo kayaker Ben Boukpeti, on breaking his paddle in elation after winning the country's first-ever Olympic medal in any discipline.

Thread of the Month!
"My girlfriend and I are LEGITIMATELY interested in a nudist raft trip through Deso-Gray. We have a raft but are interested in having a few more. Kayakers would be welcome as well. We have a permit that leaves on August 15th. We drink a bit so if you're uptight we might be slightly incompatible..."
--
View Thread Here!

"Part of the art is managing your blood levels and knowing how to regulate hydration and body temperature, and that is how one truly succeeds...”
--Tao Berman, winner of the Homestake Creek Race at last year's Teva Mtn. Games, to Ken "Hobie" Hoeve, who was too cold to take his second run (who can blame him...it was 30 degreees.)

"We did the first ever kayak fishing descent of Boca Grande, where we caught a couple of monster Tarpon...scary place for kayaks."
Ken Whiting, on kayak fishing Florida for a new video, adding that they had a huge hammerhead shark take out a 120-pound tarpon 10 feet away from one of their kayaks.

Steamboat Springs Police Blotter (night of Paddling Life Invitational): "A suspicious person was reported in the 800 block of Yampa Street. The person was taken to detox and given a citation for urinating in public." Ring any bells, competitors?

"I only caught three fish all day but they were the right ones."
--Capt. Roger Bump of his winning 65.5” slam, consisting of a 29.75” red, a 19” trout, and a 16.75” flounder at the 2008 Jacksonville Kayak Fishing Classic. View results here.

“Vegetables…that’s what food eats!”
--Rafter (and pig farmer) Channing Reynolds on a recent float on Utah's San Juan

"You are no longer on the rafting trip..."
--NHL hockey defenseman Martin Skoula of the Minnesota Wild--in a text message to the Colorado Avalanche's Milan Hejduk after Heyduk checked him into the boards--in reference to an annual rafting trip the two take together.

"They could relate to sports, but it was certainly different than what they do."
Olympic sprint kayaker Greg Barton on being inducted into the Michigan Sports Hall of Fame alongside the Detroit Red Wings' Steve Iverson and NFL star Desmond Howard.


Joke of the Month!
Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, and slipped quietly into the garage to put the kayak on the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. There was snow mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I turned on the radio and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of twenty years replied, "Can you believe that idiot husband of mine is out kayaking in that shit?"

If you don't sit in the right place, you'll sink."
--72-year-old Leo Swinimer (as told to the Wall Street Journal) on paddling his 600-lb. pumpkin in Nova Scotia's annual Windsor-West Hants Pumpkin Regatta.

Dear Editors: I really enjoyed the latest e-newsletter from paddlinglife. Seriously, one doesn't often read and click through these things "cover to cover," but I just did. Of course, pole dancing is always guaranteed to up readership. I'd like to request more pictures of Shea Stephens. Can you post some, or email me some, or just give me her phone number? Thanks guys!
--Aaron Bible

The aircraft that found him said they could not lift that amount of weight. Every resource we had simply did not work until we got down to physical manpower"
--Chief Deputy Steve Ovick of Minnesota's Pine Cty. Sheriff's Office (as told to AP), regarding the resuce of a 500-lb. rafter from a shallow stretch of the St. Croix River. To get him out of the river, 50 rescuers took turns hoisting the boat two feet at a time until they got it to a spot deep enough to float.

“That kayak kind of kicked my ass out there. Everything else was easy."
--Ice Cube on the most difficult aspect of filming Are We Done Yet, which involved hopping in a kayak.

"My son and I are avid canoeists, fishermen and camping nuts. In other words, we smell badly on weekends..."
--Canoeist James Collins

Canoe Thread of the Month1!
Note: Check here for the best of paddling forum threads...this one from rec.boats.paddle:

"I ran my BlueHole 17A down Husum Falls (White Salmon River, WA) in June 1980...afterwards, several outfitters told me that no one else had run it in anything other than kayak. Does anyone know of any earlier canoe runs of the falls....?" (View entire thread at www.tinyurl.com/38wlvh).

Thread of the Month2!
"How many people are there who paddle flat-water freestyle routines to the sounds of Yanni? And of those, how many are guys?"
View thread here.

Thread of the Month3!
"Yeah, the RPM sea kayak is notoriously difficult to control. A native Greenland design, the RPM originated when the arctic seal population disappeared and smaller sea kayaks were made from the only hides available, those of the now extinct giant lemming.

"The RPM name comes from an Inuit corruption of the Danish "v'Rij Pathetisch Misvatting""

"I congratulate you on your perception that any decked boat is, of course, a sea kayak."
View thread here.

Thread of the Month 4
Newbie looking for Stable Wreck Boat: Must be under 10'', and fast, very stable for paddling lakes and rivers, interested in running Class III whitewater and maybe ocean too. It needs to be light too and have a large seat for my big butt.
How many cupholders does a good stable boat have? How hard are these to lift onto my motor home? Can't spend more than $500 for both boats for the wife and myself. How big a motor can you put on one of these? Where are some good paces to fish and drink alcohol while paddling? DO I need a wet suit? I googled for some austrailian wetsuits .. try googling for "Radiator Wetsuit Ads" .... what do you think?
View thread here.

You can get anything you want (even a Swift canoe!). Click here for Alice's Restaurant Link Thread of the Month